Thursday, August 26, 2010

Bored in Walmart

You’re in Walmart, and you’re bored. Or you’re just in a defiant type of mood. Or maybe going through a rebellious phase. This happens, right? Well, here are some things you can do to help offset that boredom, or contribute to your rebellion. If you have a different store preference, then I’m sure most of these suggestions can be applied there too. Well, with the exception of #11.

1. Take your shoes off and try to return them at Customer Service. This works really well if your shoes are especially worn. And dirty. Maybe stomp through mud before entering the store.

2. Ride a bicycle through the store. Tell anyone that gives you a strange look that you’re taking it for a test drive. Bonus factor: if the bike has a horn, use it. That’s what it’s there for.

3. Tailgate. Follow people through the store, staying only a few feet behind them. Do this until they leave. Or threaten to file a restraining order.

4. Randomly throw items over into the next isle. Where did THAT come from?

5. Find two people walking closely together. Run between them and yell “Red Rover!”

6. Two Words: Marco Polo. Or make it your own: Ralph Lauren.

7. Indoor (shopping) cart races!

8. Indoor freeze tag. Include random customers. You don’t want anyone feeling left out.

9. Go to the toy isle: Dodge ball! Again, include random customers.

10. While in the toy isle, find Barbie. Sit in the middle of the isle and brush her hair. Tell her why she’s too good for Ken.

11. Announce loudly that you will sue for false advertising. They don’t sell Walls. File a complaint with Customer Service. Note: You should probably do this after you try to return your shoes.

12. Buy a pack of gum. Buy another pack of gum and return to the same cashier. Repeat several times. Pretend like you’re seeing that cashier for the first time. Ask them how they’re day is going.

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, cover your ears and yell, “It’s those voices again!”

14. Visit the outdoor section. Take a cartful of hunting knives to the register. Ask the cashier if they know where the antidepressants are.

15. As the cashier scans your items, say, “BEEP” in a loud voice. Do this for every item. Do this for other customers’ items too.

16. Ask random customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

17. Challenge customers to duel-with tubes of gift-wrap.

18. When someone is behind you, walk very slowly. When they try to pass you, speed up.

19.  Buy a pair of pants that are obviously waaaaay too small for you (maybe shop in the childrens section). The next day go back and return them. When you do, proudly hold them up and say, "I need to return these. They're a bit big on me."

Do you have ideas you’d like to add ? Have you already tried some of these ideas (and did they work)?

*In case you missed some of my previous posts, you might like these:
No Spllenig Erors
Unusual Phobias
Painfully Obvious


Vicki Rocho said...

I wanna go to WalMart with you!


Slamdunk said...

Funny. I am usually the guy trying to keep our little ones from riding trikes/bikes throughout the store.

At stores with courtesy price scanners, we used to like to play higher or lower in challenging each other to guess the price of an item.

Jen said...

I'm worried I'd get shot around here doing those. In Iowa I'd be all about trying that.

aspiring_x said...

Oh WOW! must print this one out! save for a rainy day... and someone else's wal-mart. i can't afford to be banned from ours!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Those are great! I'll have to try a couple of those ploys next time I'm forced to visit a WalMart.

Emily White said...

Number fourteen is priceless! Oh man, I *must* try that! :D

Amie B said...

whenever they "mark" my large $100 bills, i tell them, "Don't worry, it's freshly printed." You can just imagine some of the looks i get!

i also try to hide from my children, but when they insist on following me, i pretend i'm dori from Finding Nemo.

Lenny said...

hi miss rose! those are soooo funny. i like the idea to ride a bike through the store and beep the horn. im gonna try it for sure. heres one you could do at the shoe department. open boxes and put one shoe of one kind and of another in the same box. do it for a bunch of shoes. ha ha.
...laugh from lenny

Nicole MacDonald said...

so glad I don't own the Walmart near you ;p

Karen Lange said...

This was great! I laughed the whole way through the post. Next time I go to Walmart the visit will be much more fun.
Happy weekend!

Angela Ackerman said...

Hahaha, awesome. I knew this guy who set all the alarm clocks on display to go off at the same time. Fun times, let me tell you.

Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

Kimberly said...

I may say this is a FANTASTIC idea and can't believe i haven't come up with a few of these YET! lol. Lovely post! definitely will remember these when i am at home bored!

Mary said...

Due to the obvious slippage of of your not so firm grip on sanity I will make a conscious effort not to shop in the same store as you when you are bored.

Rose you are one crazy lady. Thanks for the laughs.

Cruella Collett said...

Haha, I love this! I think it might work in Norway too, but I might save it for whenever I go back to the US and get to visit an actual WallMart again. Besides, there I can pretend I am Swedish...

Kathryn said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! So doing that! Thanks, Rose! :D

Anonymous said...

This was too funny. How about going to the card aisle and reading all of the sentimental cards and laugh uncontrollably as if you were reading the humorous ones.:)