Friday, October 1, 2010

How to Give Yourself An Eyeball Papercut

How To Give Yourself An Eyeball Papercut (Do while at work for the maximum affect)

First, hold the piece of paper at just the correct angle so the the corner of the paper is aimed at your face.

Next, swing it between two fingers with exact percision

Third, and Fling! right towards your eyeball at a speed so quickly you don't have time to react or even blink.

Lastly, drop the paper, clasp both hands over one eye and smear all your eye makeup into one huge exaggerated mess. Now, when someone comes by to see what the commotion is about, drop your hands away from your face and let the mess do the talking.

The watering form your eye mixed with the mascara, eyeliner, and possibly eyeshadow will have meshed together nicely at this point making it look as if you were given a black eye. You may be given extra sympathy at this point. Take what you can get. You want to delay the actual "what happened," questions from your co-workers as long as possible.

Try to make a mad dash to the bathroom when possible and scour away all the remains of your makeup. Wash out your eye. Repeat to yourself, "I am tougher than the paper." Get a wet paper towel and hold against your eye. Even better, get an ice pack. This will rack up more sympathy points when you explain that you were actually tackled by paper.

And that's how a pro does it. That was my day yesterday. It  was so random. Only me. People hesitated to even ask, "How does THAT happen?" I haven't gone to the dr. but I probably shouldn't have. I'm still a bit squinty and I should be wearing an eye patch. Arrgh.

Speaking of...Sofia announced the winner of her contest today!


Jen Daiker said...

My eye watered reading this entire thing... Thanks A Lot... hehe.

Isn't it funny that when random things happen we ask the dumbest questions?!

Anonymous said...

ooh. That happened to me about 25 years ago and I still remember it, in part because I had a 50-mile drive ahead of me! Eye watered for a whole day afterward!

Teenage Bride said...

Ouch that hurts to think about

Emily White said...

*cringe* I almost couldn't finish reading this!

Amie B said...

go get those medicated eyedrops silly!

Dangerous With a Pen said...

Ooooog... two years ago, my daughter (who was 6) scratched her eye during the night and sliced her cornea. (I've done it once. Don't recommend it.) Then when it didn't heal with the eye specialist and his drops, they had to look further and found that there was a little black thing in there (like... a speck) that was keeping it from healing. He got it out with a qtip and she was better within 2 days.

I had forgotten about it until now.

Amie Kaufman said...

Ouch ouch ouch ouch!

Just think, though, you're one in a million! (Never mind WHICH million.)

Cate Gardner said...


MT said...

Oh dear. I hope it heals soon!

Just to let you know, I follow tons of blogs, but yours is very memorable. I like the style and the unique approach. I actually remember your name, and that's saying something! :)