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Saturday, October 1, 2016

How To Give Yourself An Eyeball Papercut

*Note: Do this while at work for maximum effect.

First, hold the piece of paper at just the correct angle so the corner of the paper is aimed directly at your face.

Next, swing it between two fingers with exact precision.

Third….Fling! right towards your eyeball at a speed so quickly you don't have time to react.  Or blink.

Lastly, drop the paper, clasp both hands over one eye and smear all your eye makeup into one huge exaggerated mess. Now, when someone comes by to see what the commotion is about, drop your hands away from your face and let the mess do the talking.

The watering from your eye mixed with the mascara, eyeliner, and possibly eyeshadow will have meshed together very nicely at this point. It will most likely look as if you were given a black eye. You may be given extra sympathy at this point. Take what you can get. You want to delay the actual "what happened," questions from your co-workers (or witnesses) as long as possible. 

Try to make a mad dash to the bathroom, when possible, and scour away all the remains of your makeup. Wash out your eye. Repeat to yourself, "I am tougher than the paper." Get a wet paper towel and hold it against your eye. Even better, get an ice pack. This will rack up more sympathy points when you explain that you were actually tackled by paper. 

And that's how a pro does it. And by pro, I mean me. It was such a random moment. People hesitated to ask, “How does THAT happen?” and I could only respond with a shrug and mumble of “I don’t know”.

I came out of that situation a bit squinty but luckily without an eye patch (Aarrgh!). My supervisor banned me from handling paper products at or above eye level. True story!

I can fortunately say that I haven’t experienced any other papercuts anywhere in the facial region. Although I do have a lot more random and unexpected moments of “how does THAT happen?” which may or may not include face plants, almost accidental theft, and clothing disasters in public.

What is your most random or awkward moment? 


Thursday, September 15, 2016

I TEXT DEAD PEOPLE Amazon Giveaway!

To celebrate the release of my next book, THE UNGRATEFUL DEAD, I'm doing an Amazon Giveaway for the first book in the Dead Serious series...I TEXT DEAD PEOPLE! You'll find out immediately if you're a winner...and so far no one has won yet, so maybe it will be you!

I will do another Amazon Giveaway for the 2nd book in the series on Monday, September 19th. Good luck!

Did you win the giveaway? Comment and let me know


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

SNOW FRIGHT Cover Reveal

The final installment of the Scarily Ever Laughter Series is here! Or, well it's on its way. October 4th is its big debut.  But no need to wait until October for all the excitement! You can see the cover now! (And be sure to check out the first two books in the series, Cinderskella and Little Dead Riding Hood!) And be sure to enter the giveaway at the end of this post!

Sarah White is gorgeous even if she is a little bit rotten. A mirror arrives on her twelfth birthday and she thinks it’s the perfect gift. But when an innocent game of laser tag gets out of hand, the mirror swallows her whole!

Sarah finds herself dead center of the Underworld. As if repeated run-ins with Mr. Death weren’t bad enough, Sarah now has to deal with her decaying flesh and sudden craving for brains. Not to mention she keeps having brain freezes, all due to the seven worms living in her head.

Of corpse, by the time Sarah escapes the Underworld, she finds her new zombie life less than appetizing. Even worse, she needs to return to the Underworld to save her friends, Cindy and Scarlet.  With a poisoned apple, a crow named Raven, and a glowing necklace, Sarah’s pretty sure that if she doesn’t rescue her friends, she’ll be a brain craving zombie forever. And that’s more dead-ication than she’s willing to accept.

Add Snow Fright to your Goodreads  or pre-order your copy at Amazon , Barnes & Noble, or Indiebound!

Amie Borst loves glitter, unicorns, and chocolate. But not at the same time. That would be weird. She’s a PAL member of the SCBWI as well as a founding and contributing member of The Mixed-Up Files…of Middle-Grade Authors, a group blog dedicated to middle-grade books. Amie lives in Virginia with her three beautiful daughters, her handsome husband, and two cute dogs named Lily and Maggie. She wishes she could travel the country in a hot pink elevator but for now, her minivan will have to do.

Bethanie Borst is 16 and the author of three books but she was only 10 years old when she wrote her first one. She enjoys reading, writing, and archery. She’s also interested in paleontology and astronomy. Bethanie is fluent in both sarcasm and humor and is prepared for the zombie apocalypse and/or spontaneous combustion of the world. Because, let’s face it, both of those things are totally realistic.

You can find the authors on Facebook www.facebook.com/amieandbethanieborst, as well as their website www.amieandbethanieborst.com

Rachael Caringella is an artist, illustrator, intuitive reader, and healer. And deep down, she is just like you; a rebel and truth seeker. Her days are spent in a little cabin as she paints, dances, sips delicious coffee, reads tarot cards, and, of course, illustrates! When she’s not in her studio, she can often be found wandering the woods, honoring her wild nature in the great outdoors searching for beauty adventure and inspiration.

You can find the illustrator on Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/treetalkerart and her website (http://treetalkerart.com/